Dear Professor Pincushion,

I get really excited starting a new project, but have trouble motivating myself to finish the project.  Does this happen to you and what do you do about it?

Threadles

Dear Threadles,

I don’t know if you have the proper clearance to be hearing this or not, but, as your contact, I feel that the truth is out there and if I don’t tell the truth than I’m really part of the conspiracy.  You did ask to probe my mind on the subject and so I feel I must comply.  Today, we’re talking about UFO’s.

Yes, UFO’s, otherwise known in the craft world as UnFinished Objects or “projects” that will always remain “projects”.  While some of us prefer to keep our UFO’s off the radar, if you know what I mean, (don’t look in that box!).  I feel this is a dirty little secret that many of us have so you can rest easy that you’re definitely not alone in the galaxy on this one.  Yes, even I, Professor P. Pincushion, have UFO’s.  How old are these UFO’s?  Well, let’s just say, if they started off as Little Green Men, a few of them would definitely be Big Green Men at this point.

I think to understand why we have UFO’s, we must first understand what normally leads to UFO.  It is never anyone’s intention to create a UFO.  We don’t go through hassle of purchasing and cutting everything up with the idea that, meh, maybe we’ll finish this, maybe we won’t.  I’ve come up with the top causes that will eventually lead to a UFO.  Number one, we get stuck at a pattern direction that reads more like an extraterrestrial language.  (Why?!  Why can’t you use normal words?!  What do you want from me!?!)  Number two, we get project ADD.  (Ooooh, new project!)  Number three:  we’re missing an element, like a zipper.  So project stays on hold until you have said zipper but you never remember to buy it when you’re at the fabric store.  So you never get the zipper and it stays forever on your to-do list.  And last but not least, alien abduction but, frankly, I think that’s a good excuse not to finish something.

So to summarize, everyone has UFO’s.  I have UFO’s. You have have UFO’s.  And if someone out there is really saying, “I don’t have any UFO’s.  I finish everything.”  Well…..good for you!  Really?  Not one UFO.  That’s seems a little...alien to me.

I think even worse than UFOs are EFOs.  Yes, I did just make that up.  EFOs, for those you that can’t read my thoughts, because of a tinfoil hat, are Embarrassing Finished Objects.  You know what I’m talking about.  That dress you spent all that time making, but there are a few construction details that make it look a little more homemade than you wish or it fits just a little funny here so you just never get around to wearing it.  Of course, there’s always a plan to fix the garment so that it will someday, in the unknowable, distant future, it’ll be presentable enough to wear out of doors.

But, today is all about being honest.  We both know that there are more exciting projects that we’d rather be doing.  We’ve already tackled this dress, won that battle, are well familiar with the terrain.  In other words, BORING.  And why admit that the dress actually tackled us when we can try and neuralize that memory, replacing it with a better, more thrilling project.

Now we can own up to our UFOs and EFO’s but, let’s face it, we both know that we could use a good coverup story here so we don’t feel as guilty.  Maybe a pal says, “whatever happened to that dress you were working on?”  You could deny, deny, deny, throw in a good old fashion Jedi mind trick, or make them think they’re the crazy ones.  “Uhhh….what dress?  That was a weather balloon!”  Although, the weather balloon line may not work as well as you think.  Believe me, I’ve tried it.  I think the trick is trying to appear as casual as possible.  I guess the only thing left to do is accept the inevitable and until we have the technology to anonymously beam those suckers into the final frontier, you can be like me and hide them in the deepest, darkest corner of your closet.

So, I hope these tips on UFO’s and EFO’s are helpful and, remember, your secret is my secret.  And for those you out there still bragging about never having a UFO and being so perfect, it really is nothing to phone home about.